Christmas Day: A Christmas Story

"If you're a fan of Christmas movies or films that use nostalgia as a driver, A Christmas Story cannot be missed.  Then again, if you're in either category, you have probably already seen it." - James Berardinelli, ReelViews

I don't have a whole lot to say about A Christmas Story that everyone doesn't already know.  This 1983 classic isn't just a Christmas movie; it also contains an abundance of memories and family traditions.  I guarantee anyone who has seen this film (who hasn't?) has some sort of special story involving it in some way.  Whether it be watching on Christmas Day or remembering someone who enjoyed it.  There's a little something for everyone.

The film started out as a sleeper during its theatrical run but eventually became what it is known as today; a classic.  For those of you who are not familiar with the term "sleeper," it's when a movie doesn't meet the standards of what the studio predicted at the box office, but via word of mouth the film's popularity grows and it becomes a financial success.  However, I don't think anyone expected the film to become what it is today.  

ROTTON TOMATOES RATING: 89%

As this blog comes to an end I want to thank everyone who's been reading, it means a lot to me.  A few years ago I never saw myself doing this and I am very grateful to actually have an audience.  Without your support I wouldn't have the motivation to be consistent with my entries.  I would eventually like to create a blog of watching movies of all kinds and when that time comes I hope you continue to read.  Thanks again! I'm going to go see Django Unchained now.

Merry Christmas!

- Colby.

12 Days of Christmas: Day 11 - Home Alone 2: Lost in New York

Last night I had a great conversation with my friend Criss about the first two installments of the Home Alone franchise.  I mentioned the negative reviews I had recently read; the majority of the critics really hated the sequel.  Criss and I couldn't disagree more with them.  In fact I decided last night that Home Alone 2: Lost in New York is my favorite out of the four.

Home Alone is a classic and definitely one of my favorites growing up and I even wanted to be Macaulay Culkin at one point.  However, upon reading these reviews that criticized the sequel for using the same formula as the original, I examined the two closely and made a few realizations.  Chris Columbus and John Hughes may have used the same formula but it certainly works.  I would probably think differently if they used it again to be lazy but I feel like they delivered a much better message than the first one.  In a way they cleaned up what they got wrong in the first one and made a much better movie. 

Home Alone 2: Lost in New York focuses on one thing that the original didn't really emphasize and that's friendship.  The story and symbolism of the turtle doves in the sequel has always had an effect on me, but the scene where Kevin befriends the pigeon lady has a lot more meaning to me today than it did when I was a kid.

The way the creators portray the friendship doesn't reveal that the pigeon lady is homeless.  You automatically know as an adult but if you're a child watching this movie, it's probably the last thing on your mind.  When Kevin takes her around the city, she never mentions anything about being homeless and I think it's great.  

Today when I watch the conclusion of Kevin's second adventure, I recognize something more than what I have in the past.  When Kevin, pigeon lady's only friend in the world, presents her with a turtle dove, he's showing the audience that we can be friends with anybody.  We should all love each other no matter what.  Easier said than done right?  Well, that's John Hughes for you. 

ROTTEN TOMATOES RATING: 24%

Well, since absolutely no respectable critics had anything good to say about this film, I will leave you with something 10 times better.  Last year my friends Slydick and Mikey created the ultimate original Home Alone drinking game.  Slydick actually completed this game over the span of three and a half hours, no joke!  Since it's Christmas Eve I figured nothing else would be more appropriate than this...

HOME ALONE DRINKING GAME

 10. Beer bong a Steel Reserve when Marv is screaming with the tarantula on his face

9. Chug your entire beer every time a Tommy Gun is being fired

8. Take a drink every time Coca-Cola gets a product placement

7. Take a shot of Jim Beam when Kevin's groceries fall through the plastic bags

6. Take a drink every time a life sized Michael Jordan cardboard cut out is on screen

5. Take a drink every time Kevin is picked on by his family

4. Take a drink every time Marv or Harry get hurt

3. Waterfall when Kevin says "Buzz's girlfriend. Eckk!"

2. Take a drink every time Kevin is noticeably scared

1. When Mrs. McCallister yells KEVIN chug an entire Four Loco

- Colby. 

The Tenth Day of Christmas: National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation

"John Hughes wrote the screenplay for this silly, warm little guilty pleasure that nails most of the trials and tribulations of spending the holidays with family." - Jeffery M. Anderson, Combustable Celluloid

National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation is hands down my favorite holiday movie.  I have watched it more than any other Christmas movie, including Home Alone.  It is also one that I watch outside of its seasonal time of the year.  Chevy Chase will always be known as Clark Griswold and this film has been around since 1989.  That being said, I've spent a number of Christmases with the Griswold family and Clark somewhat resembles a father figure to me.

Normally I would provide a short summary of the selection I've made but I'm positive everyone has seen this film at some point in their life.  It's simply hard to miss since it's always on television this time of year.  Not only that but you're sure to catch it on in the at a bar, electronics store, or a family event.  You can't miss it, it's literally everywhere. 

ROTTEN TOMATOES RATING: 66%

It blew my mind reading some of the negative reviews I found.  A handful of them were about Chevy Chase, which really surprised me because I have always enjoyed him.  The rest were just bashing the Vacation movies in general and accusing the writers using the same formula each film.  Whatever, I watched it once earlier today and my wife and I are about to watch it again right now.

- Colby. 

The Ninth Day of Christmas: Bad Santa

"Bad Santa is crude, disgusting, violent, graphic,  and has a lot of unsuitable content that I wouldn't recommend for a family out on Christmas, but it's a great piece of filmmaking." - Felix Vasquez Jr.

Every Christmas, con man/thief Willy T. Stokes and his friend Marcus meet up to conduct their annual special scam.  While employed as the the local shopping mall's Santa and his little helper, the two plot to rob the establishment of its holiday cash flow.  Willy is an alcoholic, vulgar, foul-mouthed asshole who cannot stand being around kids.  After a few encounters involving drunkenness on the clock and plus sized women, the mall's manager insists he get his act together.  Stokes must keep his position or his termination could foil the plan.

Over the past few years it has become a tradition to play a Bad Santa drinking game at some point throughout the holiday season.  It all started when I was living in Nebraska and we got hit with a terrible blizzard.  My friend Tom took a snow day to spend time with his girlfriend.  Their plan was to drink whiskey cider and watch movies all day, which sounded perfect to me. 

Around this time The Hangover had just been released and I decided to go buy it after work.   While I was out making my purchase, all I could think about was how great the whiskey cider sounded.  The aromas and flavors filled with cinnamon and fruit accompanied with a warm, soothing bite; who doesn't want to experience that.  I was sold and decided to get the ingredients to make it.

I was only able to find a gallon of cider and found a great deal on a handle of whiskey.  This led to inviting others to partake in my spontaneous event.  My wife and good friend, Slydick, joined me in drinking what would soon become one the greatest seasonal cocktails to accompany Holiday cinema.  As The Hangover is not a Christmas movie, the idea to replace it with Bad Santa came the following year.

Each year I create a different set of rules to play this drinking game (mainly because I forget them).  I have decided to make a documentation of the list this time and post it on here.  If you drink, I highly encourage you to attempt to play this game.  There are milder versions I have created but for the most part it's pretty rough.  I definitely recommend doing this on a night you don't have to work the next day. Enjoy!

BAD SANTA DRINKING GAME

Take a drink every time...

1. Santa drinks.

2. Santa says the F word (I used to do whenever he cusses, but I could never finish the movie.)

3. Santa has a sexual encounter.

4. Santa yells.

5. Thurman Murman talks about sandwiches.

GOLDEN RULE

Each scene that John Ritter graces us with his presence, raise your glass for a toast as this was the last movie he made before he passed. 

ROTTEN TOMATOES RATING: 77%

Bad Santa received mostly positive reviews.  The majority were related to Billy Bob Thornton's flawless performance. The negative comments that I read about the film were generally about it being too vulgar for a Christmas movie.  Hmmm... they must have been fooled by the title?

- Colby. 

The Eighth Day of Christmas: Scrooged

"It's got Bill Murray, and that's always a good thing." - John J. Puccio, Movie Metropolis

What would the holidays be like without Bill Murray?  Well, probably pleasant.  This comedian has been one of my favorites since the beginning and he continues to possess a humor unlike anyone else I have ever seen.  Oh yeah, he's also the biggest asshole in the world.  Known for ditching promotional appearances, party crashing, burning bridges with collaborators and his closest friends; Bill Murray simply does not give a fuck. 

If you're not familiar with Bill Murray's personal life, he famously does not give interviews.  In fact the only way to get a hold of him is through an 800 number that he may or may not answer.  You can leave a message, but good luck on getting a call back.  Even the most popular celebrities have been ignored by him.

In the last decade Bill has only had four encounters with the media.  
When he does accept a meeting it's drastically unclear what kind of answers you're going to receive.  All an interviewer can hope for is that he is in a decent mood and should know just to not even mention Ghostbusters 3.  

Putting all of that aside, Bill Murray is a fantastic actor.  Scrooged is a twisted modernization of Charles Dickens' A Christmas Carol.  Murray plays a cynical television programming executive named Frank Cross.  Like Mr. Scrooge, Frank is cold-hearted, overworks his assistant, and has zero tolerance for employees who slack around Christmas time.  Cross is kidnapped by a NYC cab driver (The Ghost of Christmas Past) and revisits his childhood, teens, and events throughout his career up until the present.  The rest is obvious as it's a story that we've all seen and heard way too many times. 

ROTTEN TOMATOES RATING: 66%

The negative reviews Scrooged received mostly revolved around the films dark comedy.  While Murray humor is an acquired taste, I feel like this character best represents him as a person.  He is a man of many, many moods and is utterly unpredictable.  However, when his dark side subsides and the light begins to shine, you can't help but smile and say, "It's Bill Murray!"

- Colby. 

The Seventh Day of Christmas: Ernest Saves Christmas

"A reminder [that] movies don't always have to be deep or artful to be enjoyable. Sometimes all you need is fun and a short nostalgia fix." - Ryan Cracknell, Movie Views

Behold! The most underrated movie of the holiday season, Ernest Saves Christmas.  I've never quite understood why it always seems to be left out.  I could be wrong but it's been years since I've even seen it (or any Ernest movies for that matter) on television.  Especially since this flick holds up to be much stronger than all of the others.  

Instead of talking about the plot of this film, I would rather take the time to remember the man who created Ernest P. Worrell: Jim Varney.  As he was known mostly from his work as this character, Jim also played Jed Clampett in the 1993 movie Beverly Hillbillies, and provided the voice of Slinky Dog in Toy Story.  Varney had the job of making many kids of the '80s and early '90s laugh. Today his humor is certainly outdated but it's all about the nostalgia.

In August of 1998, Jim developed a terrible cough while filming Treehouse Hostage.  Since the location of the set took place in a colder climate, he figured the weather probably had something to do with his illness.  The cough started getting worse and Varney eventually found blood in his handkerchief long after production had completed.  After being a chain smoker for several years, he had developed lung cancer. 

Varney immediately quit smoking upon his diagnosis and became an advocate of anti-smoking commercials and ads as Ernest.  He continued to work and act in movies even though the cancer was getting worse.  Jim fought hard against his disease and went under several treatments of chemotherapy.  Unfortunately the treatment wasn't enough to stop the cancer from spreading. 

February 10th, 2000 around 4:45am, James Albert Varney, Jr. was pronounced dead in his home of White House, Tennessee, a suburb just north of Nashville.  He was buried in Lexington Cemetery, located in his home state of Kentucky.  

(I was unable to find a trailer on YouTube, so I'll just leave you with this scene.)

ROTTEN TOMATOES RATING: 38%

People either love or hate Ernest and I personally love him for nostalgic reasons.  If you didn't grow up watching these movies then you'll probably hate this selection.  If you had the same great experience with Ernest as I did as a child, join me in a toast of remembrance.  Thank you for all the memories and laughs, Jim, you are greatly missed!

- Colby.

JAMES ALBERT VARNEY, JR.

JUNE 15TH, 1949 - FEBRUARY 10TH, 2000

The Sixth Day of Christmas: Batman Returns

"Burton continues to capture his essence of the Batman legend and more importantly his audiences imagination." - Empire Magazine 

Batman Returns is my favorite installment of the Batman Anthology, and just happens to take place in Gotham around Christmas time. The original Burton film will always have a lot of sentimental value for me personally, as it was the first movie my parents took me to in the theater. However, I also have another "first experience" with this one.

When I was 5 years old I was obsessed with Batman. I had the action figures, bedding, batmobile toy, and of course underwear. Batman Returns being the most anticipated movie of the summer in 1992, my dad took me and my cousins to see it opening weekend. I wore a Batman hat, a shirt, and even sandals; I couldn't wait to finally see it.

Unfortunately, at that age I had a horrible fear of blood. It wasn't that it made me queasy or anything like that, it simply just scared me and since Batman Returns is a lot more violent than its predecessor, certain scenes were difficult for me to handle at such a young age. So about halfway through my dad asked me if I wanted to leave and I said yes.

As I got older and over came my fear of blood I began to look at Batman Returns in a completely different light. To this day I feel like this is the darkest Batman movie that has ever been made. I have always loved that about Tim Burton's style; I had to see Batman Begins twice before I could pull myself out of the twisted world of Gotham.

ROTTEN TOMATOES RATING: 78%

Batman Returns generally received positive reviews, most of which praised the time spent focusing on character development of the villains instead of the script revolving around the protagonist. Up until Christopher Nolan created the epic trilogy that future generations will continue to love, it was said by many critics that this film was the last enjoyable Batman. I couldn't agree more but I am biased as a Burton fan. Not to mention the only thing to appreciate about Batman Forever is Jim Carrey. We won't talk about Batman & Robin.

- Colby.