Christmas Day: A Christmas Story

"If you're a fan of Christmas movies or films that use nostalgia as a driver, A Christmas Story cannot be missed.  Then again, if you're in either category, you have probably already seen it." - James Berardinelli, ReelViews

I don't have a whole lot to say about A Christmas Story that everyone doesn't already know.  This 1983 classic isn't just a Christmas movie; it also contains an abundance of memories and family traditions.  I guarantee anyone who has seen this film (who hasn't?) has some sort of special story involving it in some way.  Whether it be watching on Christmas Day or remembering someone who enjoyed it.  There's a little something for everyone.

The film started out as a sleeper during its theatrical run but eventually became what it is known as today; a classic.  For those of you who are not familiar with the term "sleeper," it's when a movie doesn't meet the standards of what the studio predicted at the box office, but via word of mouth the film's popularity grows and it becomes a financial success.  However, I don't think anyone expected the film to become what it is today.  

ROTTON TOMATOES RATING: 89%

As this blog comes to an end I want to thank everyone who's been reading, it means a lot to me.  A few years ago I never saw myself doing this and I am very grateful to actually have an audience.  Without your support I wouldn't have the motivation to be consistent with my entries.  I would eventually like to create a blog of watching movies of all kinds and when that time comes I hope you continue to read.  Thanks again! I'm going to go see Django Unchained now.

Merry Christmas!

- Colby.

12 Days of Christmas: Day 11 - Home Alone 2: Lost in New York

Last night I had a great conversation with my friend Criss about the first two installments of the Home Alone franchise.  I mentioned the negative reviews I had recently read; the majority of the critics really hated the sequel.  Criss and I couldn't disagree more with them.  In fact I decided last night that Home Alone 2: Lost in New York is my favorite out of the four.

Home Alone is a classic and definitely one of my favorites growing up and I even wanted to be Macaulay Culkin at one point.  However, upon reading these reviews that criticized the sequel for using the same formula as the original, I examined the two closely and made a few realizations.  Chris Columbus and John Hughes may have used the same formula but it certainly works.  I would probably think differently if they used it again to be lazy but I feel like they delivered a much better message than the first one.  In a way they cleaned up what they got wrong in the first one and made a much better movie. 

Home Alone 2: Lost in New York focuses on one thing that the original didn't really emphasize and that's friendship.  The story and symbolism of the turtle doves in the sequel has always had an effect on me, but the scene where Kevin befriends the pigeon lady has a lot more meaning to me today than it did when I was a kid.

The way the creators portray the friendship doesn't reveal that the pigeon lady is homeless.  You automatically know as an adult but if you're a child watching this movie, it's probably the last thing on your mind.  When Kevin takes her around the city, she never mentions anything about being homeless and I think it's great.  

Today when I watch the conclusion of Kevin's second adventure, I recognize something more than what I have in the past.  When Kevin, pigeon lady's only friend in the world, presents her with a turtle dove, he's showing the audience that we can be friends with anybody.  We should all love each other no matter what.  Easier said than done right?  Well, that's John Hughes for you. 

ROTTEN TOMATOES RATING: 24%

Well, since absolutely no respectable critics had anything good to say about this film, I will leave you with something 10 times better.  Last year my friends Slydick and Mikey created the ultimate original Home Alone drinking game.  Slydick actually completed this game over the span of three and a half hours, no joke!  Since it's Christmas Eve I figured nothing else would be more appropriate than this...

HOME ALONE DRINKING GAME

 10. Beer bong a Steel Reserve when Marv is screaming with the tarantula on his face

9. Chug your entire beer every time a Tommy Gun is being fired

8. Take a drink every time Coca-Cola gets a product placement

7. Take a shot of Jim Beam when Kevin's groceries fall through the plastic bags

6. Take a drink every time a life sized Michael Jordan cardboard cut out is on screen

5. Take a drink every time Kevin is picked on by his family

4. Take a drink every time Marv or Harry get hurt

3. Waterfall when Kevin says "Buzz's girlfriend. Eckk!"

2. Take a drink every time Kevin is noticeably scared

1. When Mrs. McCallister yells KEVIN chug an entire Four Loco

- Colby. 

The Tenth Day of Christmas: National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation

"John Hughes wrote the screenplay for this silly, warm little guilty pleasure that nails most of the trials and tribulations of spending the holidays with family." - Jeffery M. Anderson, Combustable Celluloid

National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation is hands down my favorite holiday movie.  I have watched it more than any other Christmas movie, including Home Alone.  It is also one that I watch outside of its seasonal time of the year.  Chevy Chase will always be known as Clark Griswold and this film has been around since 1989.  That being said, I've spent a number of Christmases with the Griswold family and Clark somewhat resembles a father figure to me.

Normally I would provide a short summary of the selection I've made but I'm positive everyone has seen this film at some point in their life.  It's simply hard to miss since it's always on television this time of year.  Not only that but you're sure to catch it on in the at a bar, electronics store, or a family event.  You can't miss it, it's literally everywhere. 

ROTTEN TOMATOES RATING: 66%

It blew my mind reading some of the negative reviews I found.  A handful of them were about Chevy Chase, which really surprised me because I have always enjoyed him.  The rest were just bashing the Vacation movies in general and accusing the writers using the same formula each film.  Whatever, I watched it once earlier today and my wife and I are about to watch it again right now.

- Colby. 

The Ninth Day of Christmas: Bad Santa

"Bad Santa is crude, disgusting, violent, graphic,  and has a lot of unsuitable content that I wouldn't recommend for a family out on Christmas, but it's a great piece of filmmaking." - Felix Vasquez Jr.

Every Christmas, con man/thief Willy T. Stokes and his friend Marcus meet up to conduct their annual special scam.  While employed as the the local shopping mall's Santa and his little helper, the two plot to rob the establishment of its holiday cash flow.  Willy is an alcoholic, vulgar, foul-mouthed asshole who cannot stand being around kids.  After a few encounters involving drunkenness on the clock and plus sized women, the mall's manager insists he get his act together.  Stokes must keep his position or his termination could foil the plan.

Over the past few years it has become a tradition to play a Bad Santa drinking game at some point throughout the holiday season.  It all started when I was living in Nebraska and we got hit with a terrible blizzard.  My friend Tom took a snow day to spend time with his girlfriend.  Their plan was to drink whiskey cider and watch movies all day, which sounded perfect to me. 

Around this time The Hangover had just been released and I decided to go buy it after work.   While I was out making my purchase, all I could think about was how great the whiskey cider sounded.  The aromas and flavors filled with cinnamon and fruit accompanied with a warm, soothing bite; who doesn't want to experience that.  I was sold and decided to get the ingredients to make it.

I was only able to find a gallon of cider and found a great deal on a handle of whiskey.  This led to inviting others to partake in my spontaneous event.  My wife and good friend, Slydick, joined me in drinking what would soon become one the greatest seasonal cocktails to accompany Holiday cinema.  As The Hangover is not a Christmas movie, the idea to replace it with Bad Santa came the following year.

Each year I create a different set of rules to play this drinking game (mainly because I forget them).  I have decided to make a documentation of the list this time and post it on here.  If you drink, I highly encourage you to attempt to play this game.  There are milder versions I have created but for the most part it's pretty rough.  I definitely recommend doing this on a night you don't have to work the next day. Enjoy!

BAD SANTA DRINKING GAME

Take a drink every time...

1. Santa drinks.

2. Santa says the F word (I used to do whenever he cusses, but I could never finish the movie.)

3. Santa has a sexual encounter.

4. Santa yells.

5. Thurman Murman talks about sandwiches.

GOLDEN RULE

Each scene that John Ritter graces us with his presence, raise your glass for a toast as this was the last movie he made before he passed. 

ROTTEN TOMATOES RATING: 77%

Bad Santa received mostly positive reviews.  The majority were related to Billy Bob Thornton's flawless performance. The negative comments that I read about the film were generally about it being too vulgar for a Christmas movie.  Hmmm... they must have been fooled by the title?

- Colby. 

The Eighth Day of Christmas: Scrooged

"It's got Bill Murray, and that's always a good thing." - John J. Puccio, Movie Metropolis

What would the holidays be like without Bill Murray?  Well, probably pleasant.  This comedian has been one of my favorites since the beginning and he continues to possess a humor unlike anyone else I have ever seen.  Oh yeah, he's also the biggest asshole in the world.  Known for ditching promotional appearances, party crashing, burning bridges with collaborators and his closest friends; Bill Murray simply does not give a fuck. 

If you're not familiar with Bill Murray's personal life, he famously does not give interviews.  In fact the only way to get a hold of him is through an 800 number that he may or may not answer.  You can leave a message, but good luck on getting a call back.  Even the most popular celebrities have been ignored by him.

In the last decade Bill has only had four encounters with the media.  
When he does accept a meeting it's drastically unclear what kind of answers you're going to receive.  All an interviewer can hope for is that he is in a decent mood and should know just to not even mention Ghostbusters 3.  

Putting all of that aside, Bill Murray is a fantastic actor.  Scrooged is a twisted modernization of Charles Dickens' A Christmas Carol.  Murray plays a cynical television programming executive named Frank Cross.  Like Mr. Scrooge, Frank is cold-hearted, overworks his assistant, and has zero tolerance for employees who slack around Christmas time.  Cross is kidnapped by a NYC cab driver (The Ghost of Christmas Past) and revisits his childhood, teens, and events throughout his career up until the present.  The rest is obvious as it's a story that we've all seen and heard way too many times. 

ROTTEN TOMATOES RATING: 66%

The negative reviews Scrooged received mostly revolved around the films dark comedy.  While Murray humor is an acquired taste, I feel like this character best represents him as a person.  He is a man of many, many moods and is utterly unpredictable.  However, when his dark side subsides and the light begins to shine, you can't help but smile and say, "It's Bill Murray!"

- Colby. 

The Seventh Day of Christmas: Ernest Saves Christmas

"A reminder [that] movies don't always have to be deep or artful to be enjoyable. Sometimes all you need is fun and a short nostalgia fix." - Ryan Cracknell, Movie Views

Behold! The most underrated movie of the holiday season, Ernest Saves Christmas.  I've never quite understood why it always seems to be left out.  I could be wrong but it's been years since I've even seen it (or any Ernest movies for that matter) on television.  Especially since this flick holds up to be much stronger than all of the others.  

Instead of talking about the plot of this film, I would rather take the time to remember the man who created Ernest P. Worrell: Jim Varney.  As he was known mostly from his work as this character, Jim also played Jed Clampett in the 1993 movie Beverly Hillbillies, and provided the voice of Slinky Dog in Toy Story.  Varney had the job of making many kids of the '80s and early '90s laugh. Today his humor is certainly outdated but it's all about the nostalgia.

In August of 1998, Jim developed a terrible cough while filming Treehouse Hostage.  Since the location of the set took place in a colder climate, he figured the weather probably had something to do with his illness.  The cough started getting worse and Varney eventually found blood in his handkerchief long after production had completed.  After being a chain smoker for several years, he had developed lung cancer. 

Varney immediately quit smoking upon his diagnosis and became an advocate of anti-smoking commercials and ads as Ernest.  He continued to work and act in movies even though the cancer was getting worse.  Jim fought hard against his disease and went under several treatments of chemotherapy.  Unfortunately the treatment wasn't enough to stop the cancer from spreading. 

February 10th, 2000 around 4:45am, James Albert Varney, Jr. was pronounced dead in his home of White House, Tennessee, a suburb just north of Nashville.  He was buried in Lexington Cemetery, located in his home state of Kentucky.  

(I was unable to find a trailer on YouTube, so I'll just leave you with this scene.)

ROTTEN TOMATOES RATING: 38%

People either love or hate Ernest and I personally love him for nostalgic reasons.  If you didn't grow up watching these movies then you'll probably hate this selection.  If you had the same great experience with Ernest as I did as a child, join me in a toast of remembrance.  Thank you for all the memories and laughs, Jim, you are greatly missed!

- Colby.

JAMES ALBERT VARNEY, JR.

JUNE 15TH, 1949 - FEBRUARY 10TH, 2000

The Sixth Day of Christmas: Batman Returns

"Burton continues to capture his essence of the Batman legend and more importantly his audiences imagination." - Empire Magazine 

Batman Returns is my favorite installment of the Batman Anthology, and just happens to take place in Gotham around Christmas time. The original Burton film will always have a lot of sentimental value for me personally, as it was the first movie my parents took me to in the theater. However, I also have another "first experience" with this one.

When I was 5 years old I was obsessed with Batman. I had the action figures, bedding, batmobile toy, and of course underwear. Batman Returns being the most anticipated movie of the summer in 1992, my dad took me and my cousins to see it opening weekend. I wore a Batman hat, a shirt, and even sandals; I couldn't wait to finally see it.

Unfortunately, at that age I had a horrible fear of blood. It wasn't that it made me queasy or anything like that, it simply just scared me and since Batman Returns is a lot more violent than its predecessor, certain scenes were difficult for me to handle at such a young age. So about halfway through my dad asked me if I wanted to leave and I said yes.

As I got older and over came my fear of blood I began to look at Batman Returns in a completely different light. To this day I feel like this is the darkest Batman movie that has ever been made. I have always loved that about Tim Burton's style; I had to see Batman Begins twice before I could pull myself out of the twisted world of Gotham.

ROTTEN TOMATOES RATING: 78%

Batman Returns generally received positive reviews, most of which praised the time spent focusing on character development of the villains instead of the script revolving around the protagonist. Up until Christopher Nolan created the epic trilogy that future generations will continue to love, it was said by many critics that this film was the last enjoyable Batman. I couldn't agree more but I am biased as a Burton fan. Not to mention the only thing to appreciate about Batman Forever is Jim Carrey. We won't talk about Batman & Robin.

- Colby.

The Fifth Day of Christmas: Friday After Next

"Something to offend everyone." - Nell Minow, Common Sense Media

I haven't watched Friday After Next in probably 8 years.  It's not that it's my least favorite of the Friday franchise (I actually like it more than Next Friday), but I just seemed to overlook it for some odd reason.  When I was trying to decide what to watch for this holiday blog, one of my co-workers reminded me that this was a Christmas movie and I couldn't wait to watch it again.

The film starts with Craig and Day-Day's apartment getting robbed by a man dressed in a Santa suit on Christmas Eve.  They try to stop the man but he gets away with their gifts and rent money.  Shortly after filing a police report the following morning, the boys' landlord informs them that if they don't pay their rent by the end of the day, they will be evicted.  In fear of losing their apartment they immediately get jobs as security guards of a shopping center.

"This is a terrible movie, one of the worst comedies of the year." - Richard Roeper

ROTTEN TOMATOES RATING: 25%

As you can see I had a difficult time finding positive reviews on this movie.  Honestly if you liked any of the other Friday films, you will love it.  The poster reads "Xmas in the Hood," what's not fun about that?  I'm really looking forward to Last Friday which was confirmed to be written and produced by Ice Cube last year.  There are rumors that Chris Tucker may return but nothing is set in stone as of yet.  It's currently scheduled for a 2013 release through New Line Cinema. 

- Colby.

The Fourth Day of Christmas: A Very Harold & Kumar Christmas

Years after escaping from Guantanamo Bay together, former stoner/banker Harold Lee and his partner in crime/best bud Kumar Patel have become estranged.  Harold is now happily married and trying to have a baby with his wife, Maria, while Kumar has put on weight, lost his girlfriend, and is stuck in a rut.  At the beginning of the film, Harold is hosting Christmas for Maria's family and is under massive pressure from his father-in-law (Danny Trejo, baby!) to give the family a nice holiday, complete with the perfect Christmas tree.

Kumar still lives in the old apartment that he and Harold once shared, and one day he receives a package addressed to Harold.  He delivers the package to Harold's residence in person and Harold invites him in.  Harold opens the package and suddenly the two find themselves with a large marijuana joint.  Kumar lights it up and Harold, being a non-smoker now, throws the joint out the window and it ends up flying back in through another window setting the tree on fire.  With his perfect tree destroyed and Christmas on the way, Harold must find the perfect replacement before it's too late. 

Harold and Kumar set out to find a replacement tree and wind up getting caught in a big mess.  Like the franchise's predecessors, the protagonists set out on another adventure that involves Ukrainian gangsters, Santa Claus, and the one and only Neil Patrick Harris.  Which leaves the question; will Harold and Kumar save Christmas?

ROTTEN TOMATOES RATING: 69%

The Third Day of Christmas: Die Hard

A couple weeks ago one of my friends posted two of her favorite Christmas movies on Facebook and Die Hard was one of them.  I completely forgot that the entire movie takes place on the night before Christmas.  When I saw this post it inspired me to not only do this blog but to take on unusual selections you wouldn't normally see on a holiday movie list.  So I found it only to be appropriate to use this title as well as give her credit.

"The scenes move with such relentless energy and smashing special-effects extravagance that Die Hard turns out to be everything action-genre fans, and Bruce Willis's relieved investors, might have hoped for." - Caryn James, New York Times.


John McClane is a cop from New York City who is visiting Los Angeles to see his estranged family.  He reunites with his wife, Holly, at a Christmas Eve party held on the 30th floor of the building she works in.  The party is unexpectedly interrupted by a group of terrorists who are attempting to steal $640 million in bearer bonds from the company's vault.  The group seizes the tower and secures all the civilians inside as hostages.  Everyone except John.

A SWAT team and the FBI attempt to take control of the situation but there's only one individual who can stop the terrorists; that man is John McClane.  Being the only experienced cop inside the building he takes matters into his own hands, sending the audience on one hell of a roller coaster ride.  Hold on to your seat because once the film starts; you're locked in. 

ROTTEN TOMATOES RATING: 94%


It's no secret that Die Hard is one of the greatest action movies of all time.  When I was younger, my parents' movie collection didn't include a lot of action movies; the only films of this sort that I watched with my dad were Speed, True Lies, and the Indiana Jones trilogy.  So whenever I saw an action movie in the TV Guide that I wanted to see, I would record it on a VHS tape so I could watch it on my own.  It just so happens Die Hard was one of them. 

I love this movie and the fact that I was able to use this as a holiday selection. The film does not completely revolve around Christmas, but it still provides the warmth, comfort, and laughs you would find in any December classic.  The only difference is there's explosions, anxiety, and fantastic one-liners provided by Mr. Willis.  Die Hard never disappoints and if you have not seen this movie, this would be the perfect time to finally absorb it. 

- Colby.  

The Second Day of Christmas: Silent Night

"The movie's intended audience will likely be satisfied by its parade of gory mayhem, cheap thrills and groan-worthy dark humor. Everyone else: You're on your own." - Gary Goldstein, The Los Angeles Times

Silent Night is a reimagining of the 1984 slasher film Silent Night, Deadly Night.  Malcome McDowell (A Clockwork Orange) and Jaime King (Sin City) play the sheriff and deputy of a small town that's being terrorized by someone dressed in a Santa Claus suit.  It's Christmas Eve and the body count begins to grow even more.  With the annual Christmas parade on its way, the town's streets are filled with Santas and the killer is hiding in plain sight. Sheriff Cooper and Deputy Aubrey must hunt down this psychotic individual before it's too late.

The film is directed by Steven C. Miller and this is the first I have seen of his work.  I would love to see more of what he has to offer.  Silent Night may not be the best movie out there but Miller definitely has an eye for horror.  If you take out some of mediocre dialogue you're left with some of the best kill scenes I have seen this year (I'm sure the remake of Maniac will surpass them in 2013). 

"Silent Night is a gorily entertaining from start to finish, making it a worthwhile holiday horror flick." - Bloody-Disgusting, bloody-disgusting.com

This is really just a movie for horror fans who enjoy the killing scenes more than anything else.  I really enjoyed this film visually but the plot often lacked substance.  I read quite a few positive reviews and critics viewed the cheesy dialogue and poor character development as a nod to the '80s Horror formula.  It very well could be and I'll probably watch this again next year.  Hopefully you'll have fun with this new holiday release!

- Colby. 

The First Day of Christmas: The Rules of Attraction

It's great to be back in the saddle.  I had so much fun doing 31 Days of Horror and when it came to an end I often found myself wondering what I could do next.  I really didn't want to have to wait a whole year and I wanted to do something different than the last blog but using the same formula.  Then someone suggested doing a blog with a Christmas theme. 

At first the thought of watching several Christmas movies over an extended period of time sounded utterly unappealing.  I originally planned to pursue a timeline of 25 days but felt that I would most likely be jeopardizing my sanity (and my wife's).  As much I love being with my friends and family and certainly enjoy the traditions we've made over the years, there's only so much Christmas I can take.  The overplayed music, stress, crowded malls, streets and department stores, and of course low bank accounts, you can have them all. 

I was out shopping one weekend and the song "12 Days of Christmas" came on inside the store.  Suddenly, it occurred to me that I could in fact handle 12 days of watching Christmas movies and I didn't have to just watch all the traditional favorites!  There's several films that revolve around Christmas but are often overlooked because its subject matter may be completely unrelated to the holiday season.  That being said some of my entries will feature titles that may be surprising to see over the next week and half. 

"When a movie is described by some critics as morally repellent and by others as innovative and brilliant, it means at the very least that it's controversial and touching a nerve in the collective consciousness." - Emanuel Levy, emanuellevy.com



The Rules of Attraction was directed by Roger Avary and is based on the novel with the same name written by Bret Easton Ellis (American Psycho).  It follows the life of three students at a fictional college located in New Hampshire.  Sean Bateman (younger brother of Patrick Bateman, for you American Psycho fans out there) is a drug dealer, Lauren Hynde is a virgin, and Paul Denton is gay.  Collectively these characters find themselves in a love triangle with one another and much drama and catastrophe ensues.

The director's cinematic vision is truly fascinating and inspiring.  In fact, in response upon the author's viewing, Ellis stated that Avary is the only director who has fully captured the sensibility and recreation of the world his books take place in.  Avary's style isn't for everyone though, which is why the film received mixed reviews.  However, James van der Beek's performance playing the role Sean Bateman was greatly praised by many critics.

ROTTEN TOMATOES RATING: 44%

"Wait a second, this isn't a Christmas movie?!"

Many people will disagree with me about this being a Christmas movie. However, it does in fact begin and end with a Christmas party.  It also includes my favorite rendition of "Carol of the Bells," which also happens to be my favorite Christmas song.  I promise that I'll get to the classics, I just need to ease my way into them.  I can't blow my holiday load all at once!

The Rules of Attraction has been one of my favorite movies for the past 8 years.  It was suggested to me in high school when I started paying more attention to independent films.  When I first saw it I felt uncomfortable, I laughed, it shocked me and it visually blew my mind.  Not to mention it features a great soundtrack as well.  I immediately bought it on DVD and it became a movie that I showed to all my friends and continue to today.  I hope you will find as much enjoyment in this film as I have!

-Colby.